I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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