My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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