She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
