I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
there is glitter all over my balls
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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