Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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