Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
