just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
