Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.