Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it's like iHOP with fire
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
