He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
