....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
