i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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