dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
