i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
