just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
