she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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