You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I supernannyed him into submission
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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