um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
