I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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