Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
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