all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I believe in your delicious
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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