dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
