after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
