time to smoke my breakfast
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just invented taco cereal.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
