I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
