Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
