My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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