Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
