I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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