why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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