I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
