i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
