I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
