there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
