why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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