Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
