FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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