The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
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Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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