giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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