I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
why do cheetos always look like penises
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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