I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
