Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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