yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
