Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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