i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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