I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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