Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
