She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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