I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They are going to name an STD after you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
