I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
