More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
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I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
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I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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