guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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