I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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