Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
