Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
