Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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