we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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