So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
honey bunches of taint.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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