Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
