It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
