Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm both gender and math confused
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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