so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the day after is always just damage control
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
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I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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