i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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