Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
