The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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